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The Author of Direction

I was out pacing the hospital because it was a quiet day, and I needed to get my steps in to neutralize the effect of eating 1/2 of a caramel fudge brownie instead of 1/4 at the cancer conference lunch.

My mind was churning as I crossed the second floor walk way and took the stairs to the fourth floor walkway.

It’s not just the wedding plans and strategies, like working on our guest list and wishing we could invite everyone.  It’s not just trying to decide which house we should live in, or where we should put our energies.  It’s not just the struggle to find venues and the disappointment of not being able to rent the beautiful church by the hospital, despite a lot of really good contacts.

It’s been almost 4 years since I worked in heart surgery, since I’ve been walking up to patients beds and saying, “Hi, my name is Katrina. I’m the nurse that works with the heart surgeons.”

Those days are coming to an end.

A couple of weeks ago, I told my supervisor I would work through Thanksgiving, that I am getting married on December 2, and that I don’t know what I’m doing after that.

And suddenly whenever I slide my badge through the badge reader to let myself onto an elevator or through a door, I realize that, depending what I do next, my identity as a hospital employee could soon be gone. When I race up and down the mismatching stairwells with tread from the 1970s, I realize how, in the last 3 1/2 years I have learned to navigate around the entire hospital. It’s almost impossible for me to get lost anywhere now, since my job has been one of those that is not defined by a particular floor. (Although just today I took an unfamiliar staircase and found myself a few feet from the morgue!)

When I press the buttons on keypads to locked doors, the muscle memory comforts me. I am refreshed by familiarity, by routine, by stability. And suddenly, those things are evaporating.  My identity as “the nurse that works in heart surgery” is fading.

And worst of all is the question, “So where are you going?” Because no sane American quits a job without getting another one first.

I second-guessed my decision to Marnell, and some other trusted friends.  I think you’re doing the right thing, they all told me.

So, as I walked off the caramel brownie, I stopped on the landing between the third and fourth floors. I paused and looked out the floor-to-ceiling window at the tops of the structures below, dripping with autumn rain.  Career questions, wedding questions….so much change!


“God,” I asked, looking into the gray sky, “how do we know what to do about everything?”

“You don’t,” I felt the answer instantly, as clearly as if I had touched a bare wire.

Instantly!

My eyes filled with tears, as drippy as the drops on the hospital structures below.

You don’t have to know.

And then, In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and he shall direct thy paths. 

When I was younger I remember hearing older people say how important it is to memorize Scripture as a child. When you are older, they would say, a verse will come back to you just at the right moment. Things like that.

Apparently, I’m older.

It’s funny how one word from God can quiet and the heart. It’s shocking how quickly God answers sometimes. It’s hard to describe the lightning speed of the still small voice, almost arriving before the question has been asked.

I might be wrong but I don’t think God always answers prayers immediately. When He does… when the answer flashes at the speed of light… a healing balm settles on the myocardium of the heart.

(I’m sorry, forgive me for using a trade word that I may never need to use again.)

I believe God will show me what to do next.

In fact, let me tell you about a little gift from God just this afternoon regarding our wedding plans.

You know that church I really wanted to get married in, by the hospital?  Just today, a former heart surgery patient of mine, a friend with a complex life story, took us to see his church.  We love it, and he thinks it is available for December 2.  But it’s what my former patient said to me, that makes me feel touched by the hand of God.

“You know that church by the hospital?” he asked.  “This one is practically the same design.”

“Really?” I said.  “I wanted to get married there.  So this one is similar?”

“Identical!”

Isn’t it such a relief that God cares so much about the tiniest little details?  And that He’s really good at arranging things? And that he always knows what’s best even when it is most definitely not evident?

There is no reason to doubt that he will show me where to work next.  He is the master of solving complications, the “Turner of things meant for evil into things meant for good”, and the author of direction as we acknowledge him in all our ways.

 

14 Responses to The Author of Direction

  1. Ina September 16, 2017 at 5:34 pm #

    Wow Katrina! Our Great God is amazing with working details to delight His children. Rejoicing with you! Blessings!

    • 500Admin September 17, 2017 at 7:17 am #

      Thanks Ina!

  2. Anonymous September 16, 2017 at 5:58 pm #

    Oh sweet girl, you are going to have a new job and title, is called wife😊 The best job you will ever have!

    • 500Admin September 17, 2017 at 7:18 am #

      Thanks for the encouragement! I think I would enjoy being that full time, but thinking I should at least work part time somewhere!

  3. Rosetta September 16, 2017 at 9:33 pm #

    I think I smiled and teared up almost simultaneously through this post. That church is so beautiful! And the future plans God has for you will be as well. I miss you.

    • 500Admin September 17, 2017 at 7:19 am #

      Miss you too Rosetta… thanks for the encouragement!

  4. Jackie September 16, 2017 at 10:44 pm #

    Praise the Lord how He is working in your life! I am praying for you as you enter into this new stage of your life. What a blessing it is to memorize the Lord’s word! Many verses I learned in my youth have helped me at just the right time. Lord will lead you and amaze you with His goodness!!

    • 500Admin September 17, 2017 at 7:19 am #

      Thanks Jackie!

  5. Melissa Bohnke September 17, 2017 at 12:02 pm #

    Will miss running into you on occasion Katrina….thank you for this post…had a couple job changes this year and they have been good for me and our family…one step at a time..God will lead… Melissa Bohnke

    • 500Admin September 17, 2017 at 8:58 pm #

      Thanks Melissa!

  6. Lori September 17, 2017 at 12:25 pm #

    Your “identity as “the nurse that works in heart surgery” might fade, but praise God your identity as a daughter of the King never fades!! No matter what you do… That’s who you are!!

    • 500Admin September 17, 2017 at 8:58 pm #

      So true! Thank you!

  7. Jean Nisley September 17, 2017 at 2:27 pm #

    Heart stopping… Isn’t that how God sometimes speaks? It grabs us so hard it seems everything comes to a momentary stand still. Sorry for the poor term when it’s the one term you don’t wanna deal with as a heart surgeon nurse. 🙄 But what a beautiful, concise phrase He gave you: “You don’t.” This inspired rest in my own heart. Thank you for sharing!

    • 500Admin September 17, 2017 at 8:57 pm #

      Thanks Jean! You have now inspired me!